A Little of Me

Little of Me...

Self-profiling is the most difficult part of writing. Especially, when there is nothing special!

Descending down the memory lane is like walking through a thick fog. I am fortunate that recounting the experiences of my life is a pleasant feel.

I was born in Raipur and brought up in different cities of Madhya Pradesh/Chhattisgarh. Hindi is dominant in these states, so it comes naturally to me.

हिंदी बड़ी उदार है वो किसी भी भाषा को बड़ी सहजता से आत्मसात कर लेती है I अंग्रेजी तो विदेश से आई किसी पुरानी सहेली के समान घुल-मिल गई है इससे I इसलिए कब हिंदी से अंग्रेजी और अंग्रेजी से हिंदी में लिखने-बोलने लगती हूँ, पता ही नहीं चलता I कोशिश रहती है कि बात दिल से निकले और दिल तक पहुंचे I सुखद बचपन भाग्य से मिलता है I

I was naughty yet a well-behaved girl. My pranks used to create lots of commotions at home, in the neighbourhood and my school. Punishments, rewards and counseling had only temporary effects on me.

I had frenzy ideas and opinions about things around me. From school essays to casual chats, I used to express them without inhibitions. Many of them used to be absurd however, I believed that a ‘silly original is better than a great duplicate’.

Then came, a major turning point in life! I fell in love with a boy. I was just 15! Life had never been the same since then!

There were some obvious changes in my behaviour. I became little more sensitive and whimsical. I started enjoying nature like never before! Listening to poetry especially gazals had become my favourite pastime.  

During the eighties, listening to Jagjeet Singh and Talat Aziz was like declaring the status -‘In relationship’!

Soon, I graduated to Gulam Ali, Mehandi Hasan and Begum Akhtar. It felt that they used to choose their poetry to reflect my varied moods and sing exclusively for me!

My flair for writing poetry was evoked! I started rhyming my thoughts. My poor siblings became the victims of a suddenly emerged poetess in the family. Listening to my poetic rendition was an unavoidable imposition upon them. They were the first casualties!

The focus of my creative expressions shifted from pranks to poetry.

From school/college magazines to local newspapers my poems write-ups, reviews of theatre and movie started getting published. Becoming popular in a small town is easy.

People couldn’t believe that a restless girl like me could write with such sensitivity.

 There used to be more suspicion and less appreciation about my character! 

My creative distractions started getting reflected on my report cards. My notebooks used to be filled with red marks and remarks. From an outstanding to a ‘standing out’ student  became a cause of concern for my parents and teachers.   

गणित में बन्ठादार तो था ही, सामाजिक अध्ययन जैसे विषयों में भी पास होने के लाले पड़ने लगे. आई, (my mother) कहती, “और सुनो ग़ज़ल, अब जगजीत सिंह को कहना वही परीक्षा में बैठेंगे तुम्हारे बदले.”

उन दिनों प्यार-मोहब्बत का मरीज़ डॉक्टर बनने का सपना भी नहीं देख सकता. ना प्राइवेट मेडिकल कॉलेज थे न डोनेशन का चलन I शायद मेरी किस्मत को भी ये मंज़ूर नहीं था. तभी तो केमिस्ट्री टीचर से मेरी केमिस्ट्री कभी भी नहीं जमी और फिर बोर्ड पेपर के दिन फिजिक्स के बदले अंग्रेजी की तैय्यारी करके चली गई. रही सही कसर बायोलॉजी के प्रैक्टिकल वाले दिन पूरी हो गई जब एक बड़े से मेंढक को आधी बेहोशी हालत मे disect करने के लिए जैसे ही ट्रे में लिटाया और crucify करने के लिए उसके उपरी दोनों पंजो में पिन लगाने गई तो उसे होश आ गया और मेरे होश उड़ गए. पूरी क्लास में उछल-उछल के ऐसा हंगामा किया कि डॉक्टरी का भूत उतर गया मेरे सर से.

हिंदी, अंग्रेजी की वजह से respectable नंबर आ पाए. यही वजह है इन दोनों भाषाओं की शुक्रगुज़ार हूँ. उनकी वजह से ही रोज़गार मिलता है और थोड़ी बहुत पहचान बना पायी हूँ.  

An early marriage and motherhood kept me engaged-pleasantly and fruitfully. From teaching to corporate communication, I did a variety of jobs in India and UAE. Not that I had a great career, but I had done my work with great dedication and passion and earned respect where ever I worked.

An itinerant life has created temporary discomforts and adjustment problems. Change of cities, professions and jobs kept testing my patience and perseverance. The poetess/ writer in me took a back seat.  

However, it has instilled a great sense of acceptance of situations, people and place. From the last few years, I have taken writing full time.

A beautiful journey from a little girl to a mother of grown-up children has been extremely fulfilling. I was able to play the part of a woman in ‘many roles’ successfully, so far.

I am fortunate that I have met and known few illustrious people from close quarters. Even the ordinary people in my life, have remarkable qualities. They all have enriched me and contributed immensely to keep refining me as a person.

I sent an anecdote to Friday; a popular weekly magazine in Dubai and it got an elaborate coverage in their prestigious weekly column. It was widely appreciated by the readers of different nationalities.

One day, the editor received a letter from Dr Ezzedin Ebrahim Mustafa, the Cultural Advisor to Late Sheikh Zayed of the United Arab Emirates in appreciation of it. The letter was published and an editorial was written about my anecdote. This drew the attention of the literary community and the elite society of the United Arab Emirates.

Now, if this is called self-absorption or narcissism, it’s okay. I am enjoying being in the past glory.

After that, a couple of more write-ups became cover stories in the popular newspapers. I was re-established as a writer in a foreign land.

However, having a full-time job and being an independent writer, especially in the UAE had a different set of challenges. Some refusals dissuaded and dispirited me to a great extent.

At times, attempting to write a great piece, even a simple passage became difficult to complete. More than a writer’s block, it was the lack of sincerity and ambition.

Now I am in a position to have time and liberty to be a full-time writer. I am working on prestigious assignments.  

My fond indulgence in life has given me some interesting experiences. I will keep sharing them in Churning Point. Hindi and English expressions are interwoven to give a natural flow.

Hope my readers will relate to them.

ढूँढती हूँ कभी-कभी,

अपनी किसी छोर को,

ज़िन्दगी जैसे कोई

उलझी-सुलझी डोर हो

जय हो!

Jaya Sarkar

May 13, 2013