Babu..My Little Old Son…

Babu..My Little Old Son….

One needs to be truly blessed to get an opportunity to serve others, to do ‘seva’. One such small opportunity came my way and completely changed my view about life.

I am a Maharashtrian married to a Bengali who comes from a very conventional background. Abhas, my husband, is the youngest among his siblings with a wide age gap between him and the rest. So, it was no surprise that he was pampered and given very little responsibility during his younger days! Though we have two sons, he remains the ‘little boy’ of his family. As it is said, growing up is mandatory but growing old is optional!

One day, basking in domestic bliss, I was watching the kids play when it occurred to me that soon the day would come when my sons would grow up, take up career and move away from home. The nest would be empty…

The thought made me weak and restless…and my mother-in-law’s face flashed through my mind thinking that she might be feeling the same? After all, her most pampered son was hundreds of miles away from her. It was a moment of reckoning. I realized how difficult it is for a mother to let go of her children and why mothers feel so agonized when children leave home to start their own lives.

I thought ‘whenever you wake up and think it’s a dawn, start the day’. I shared my thoughts with Abhas and his first response was arranging his leave and making the travel plan to go to Jamshedpur where they were living. Babu, my father-in-law was retired from Telco and settled down there itself with Ma.

I knew that the difference in our life styles would entail a big adjustment from both sides but the voice coming from within me, could not be stilled. I was willing to compromise anything to enable them to come and stay with their ‘little baby’.

Having learnt Bengali well, communication was never a barrier. My in-laws are very accommodating people and we had developed a great fondness for each other over a decade long association. I think when a woman visits her husband’s house, both parties are at their best because the stay is short and temporary. The real adjustment comes when they begin to live together for a long time, if not permanently.

Babu was around 82 year old then and ma 72. Though he was healthy he was quite hesitant about the journey as he was suffering from an enlargement of prostate gland for over 17 years which used to cause him frequent and painful urination. That was the reason he was confined to his home.

Being a homeopath himself, he was not in favour of surgical intervention.In Indore, I was working as a teacher in Choithram School. Choithram also has a hospital. Being in the same organization, all the doctors were known to me personally as their children were studying in the same school. 

We spoke to the renowned urologist Dr. Thatte and he recommended laser surgery which in 1995 was an advanced medical technique. However, he wanted to conduct some tests before the surgery to confirm he was medically fit for it. I told my eldest brother-in-law and his wife about the doctor’s opinion. They placed complete trust on us and convinced Ma and Babu to come to Indore.

My excitement knew no limits. My preparation to receive them had begun!

I made sure everything was done to ensure their comfort. I topped up the fridge and larder it with their favourite food, learnt a few typically Bengali dishes from my Bengali friends especially ‘roshogulla’ Bengalis love with unmatched passion, of course after few disastrous attempts.

My boys were given thousand instructions repeatedly on what to say, what not to say, how much to talk and what not to. I threatened them with dire consequences if they talk about any altercations or quarrels between Abhas and me.

The time was drawing near…

There was nobody in town who was not informed about Babu and Ma’s arrival. From neighbours to colleagues, house-helps to watchmen, vegetable vendors to the random visitors at home. I and the kids made sure the whole world knew about it. This is the truth that the world seems so small when we want to share our excitement and happiness!

Even though we lived away from Babu and Ma, we always spoke about them. Their likes and dislikes, hobbies, interest, everything used to be discussed with our kids. To us, this was such a simple way of keeping their grandparents close to their hearts. Deprived of the presence of grandparents, this was our way of compensating for it. I believe that there is nothing so enriching and beautiful than growing up under the loving gaze of one’s grandparents.

And then came the day so awaited! Babu and Ma came home for the first time. We were overwhelmed. The kids were overjoyed. The house was suffused with euphoria. A week passed in a wink. The routine was different but we adjusted to it like fish to water. I used to take Babu to the hospital which was 10 km away from home. These trips enabled me to gain his confidence. All the tests confirmed that he was fit for the surgery thanks to his disciplined life style. Other than his prostrate problem, he was in perfect health.

 Abhas could manage to take only few hours leave on the day of the surgery due to the deadlines in his company. Ma was not in a position to be of any help other than being at home with the kids. So I was the only one who had to do everything.

Finally a date was given to undergo the surgery which he had been postponing from many years.  A day before getting admitted to the hospital, I found Babu very nervous and restless. I thought it was a normal restlessness that comes with a surgery looming ahead. I went to school and returned home at 3:45 pm. The kids were taking their afternoon nap and I also lay down next to them. Suddenly, I realized droplets of water falling on my hands. Surprised, my eyes flew open only to see Babu, sitting on the floor by my bed and sobbing.

I froze in deep shock. This gentle and sober man pushing aside all his orthodoxy, coming up to my room, holding my hands, putting his face in my palms and weeping.“I am now in your hands,literally.” He said, through his tears. “The day after tomorrow is my surgery and I am sure you will be there with me through out and during that period, you might see me in many awkward conditions and you would be required to perform certain tasks." He paused for a sob and continued,“I lost my mother some 45 years back but today, I find glimpses of her in you. I am your father-in-law but consider me as your son. So ‘Ma’ I surrender myself to you."

It was an unforgettably heart wrenching moments for me. I felt such an intense outburst of emotion seeing Babu, the mighty member of the house surrendering himself to me like a little helpless baby. 

With a composure that came from God knows where, I gathered myself, sat next to him on the floor and comforted him as though he were a small child.Seeing him in such a vulnerable state and conferring upon me a status so high, I felt special, responsible and utterly blessed.

The next morning Ma performed special prayers I packed bags for the night stays at the hospital. Holding Babu’s hands I was walking towards the door. Ma came forward to me, with misty eyes but in commanding voice she said: “The way you are taking him to the hospital in the same way I want you to bring my husband back to me-safe and sound."

 A jolt of electricity ran down my spine. I felt weak, nervous still determined. I hugged her tightly and with a sense that I was now the mother of five in that household, walked out of the door holding on to Babu’s hands.

The surgery took five hours… five hours of nervousness, anxiety and apprehension. The doctor emerged from the operation theater and his big smile said it all. “Mr. Sarkar Senior is a very cooperative patient. He is doing fine and will be shifted to his room in the evening. And probably after a week or so once we remove the catheter he would be discharged."

For me the hospital had become an extension of home. I used to go home only for a few hours in the evening to see the kids. I was doing everything for Babu, right from administering medicines, sponging him changing his operation robes. Initially I sensed a great awkwardness on his part; after all he had spent his entire life being self-dependent he was quite conservative so much so that while serving him tea he used to make sure my hand doesn’t touches his!

The hospital stay created such a special bond in a way all the years before, had not. I realized that there is an imprisoned child in him. This came as opportunity to let that child out. He would laugh and regale me with jokes, tell me about his naughty pranks of his childhood, how he met Ma and fell in love with her, how he persuaded his parents to allow them to get married only with her. He shared me some funny moments during his work in Telco and his first meeting with Mr. J R D Tata.

I was enriched in a way so indescribable through words. He was a font of knowledge and wisdom. We spent time very well-he teaching and I learning- Sanskrit verses, English and Bengali proverb, idioms, short stories, poems of course Tagore and Sharat Chandra. 

He made me learn the names of all the seven forefathers of our family tree. His eyes shone with childlike luminosity through all this. Eventually, Babu’s erudition drew doctors and staff to his room, even the ones who were not on his ‘Treatment Rota’!

On the seventh day in the morning, his catheter was removed. And, he had to check whether he had a free flow while passing urine. Until afternoon, he didn’t have any urge for urination. I fell asleep while reading a book. I suddenly woke up with a jerk when I heard Babu’s desperate voice, calling me. I rushed to the washroom and found him urinating with a proper flow without exerting any extra effort and having any pain. Like a small kid he said, “Look at the flow, I have not seen it from over 17 years and there is no pain.” His joy knew no bounds, he was cured, and he was free.

It took some time for both of us to realize that state. A moment of little embarrassment, I came out quietly. In a while, he also came out from the wash room and lied down on the bed. I was trying to pretend as if I was busy arranging stuffs around, to let go the moment of awkwardness.

Suddenly, I saw tears rolled down his wrinkled cheeks and he murmured, “Giving you status of my mother, I have taken out the burden from my heart! Otherwise, I would have survived the surgery but could have died of shame and utter embarrassment.” With my misty eyes I held his face in my hands and smoothed back his silver hair and consoled, “Aapni to aamar chhele aar aami aponar ma”. (You are my son and I am your mother)  Why are you feeling embarrassed? Babu, you are my little old son!”

He was discharged from the hospital the next day. When people knew we are going home, they all gathered to see us off.

The world is still a beautiful place to live in; all we need is the will to communicate heart to heart. We all have Babus and Mas in our families. They all need us. Let’s play the role reversal. I played it, loved it and I was humbled, enriched and moved by every minute of it.

One life is just not enough to spread the abundance of love God has blessed us with.

When we reached home, Ma and the kids were waiting for us eagerly. I handed over Babu’s hands to her and said, “Ma, by the grace of God, I have brought Babu back to you. One day, you handed over ‘your son’ to me. Today, I am handing over ‘my son’ to you. Now we have no more dues !"